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<title>in the absence of sleep by Anonymous</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555642">in the absence of sleep</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Crusade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crushes, F/F, Grieving, Worldbuilding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:01:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555642</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dureena comes across Sarah during her late night wanderings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sarah Chambers/Dureena Nafeel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous, Chocolate Box - Round 5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in the absence of sleep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/spring_gloom/gifts">spring_gloom</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Most nights, Dureena couldn’t sleep. Whether it was because of nightmares, anxiety, or the fact her species needed less sleep than anyone else on board, she often found herself wandering empty hallways and socializing with the sparse night crew. Tonight, trying to find another shred of life was like trying to find change in the pockets of a drelkan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The liminal isolation wasn’t helped by how strange night was in the middle of space. It was always dark outside, but she just happened to be up at the wrong kind of dark. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Luckily for her, someone else happened to be, too; the sight of whom made her heart skip a beat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought you of all people would be asleep by now,” said Dureena, walking over to where Sarah was sitting. She was curled up on a tan couch beside a window, looking out into the unknown. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Sarah registered the echoing footsteps had stopped right beside her, she looked up at Dureena. “Oh? And why’s that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The whole doctor thing.” Dureena sat beside her, making herself at home. “You know, rest is important. I feel like you say that a lot.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, well, maybe tonight I’m being a hypocrite.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sarah’s flat tone made Dureena’s smile fade. “How come?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It isn’t your problem.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon, you can talk to me. What’s got you down?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The doctor thing. If I don’t… If I don’t figure this thing out, everyone on earth is going to die. My sister, my niece… They’ll all be gone, and I’ll still be here knowing I could’ve done more.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t know you had family on earth.” It should’ve been obvious, but some crew members were from colonies or Mars, and Dureena sometimes forgot that other people had family waiting for them back home. She watched Sarah’s pensive reflection in the glass. “Tell me about them?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know where to start,” she said, smiling just a bit. “My sister’s name is Jenny. Growing up we didn’t get along much, but I always looked out for her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pulled a locket from her collar and clicked it open. Dureena leaned in close. She couldn’t help noticing the sweet scent of her perfume. It reminded her of yellow flowers from her homeworld, kaljen. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s pretty,” said Dureena, studying the woman in the locket. “She looks a lot like you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Think so?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded and pointed to the little girl. “And is that your niece?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, Sophia. She’s the most curious kid. She’s at the stage where she’s always, always asking questions... I can only imagine what those questions are now.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sounds a lot like me as a kid. I used to annoy my older brothers a lot, asking anything from why we had fingernails to why the sky was orange.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The look on Sarah’s face was one Dureena got a lot, pity mixed with guilt, because it’d probably dawned on her these people were no longer around. “I didn’t know you had brothers.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eirmel and Ayfin.” A melancholic smile tugged at her lips as she remembered the two boys dressed in rags always looking for trouble. Memories of her homeworld were always hazy. It was a side effect of being so young when she’d left. Ayfin and Eirmel always, always shone bright in her mind, but her younger siblings were more of a blur. She wished she had a locket to latch onto, or some memento to remind her of home… but it might’ve been a good thing she didn’t. After all, she couldn’t miss what she couldn’t remember. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dureena cleared her throat. “Nothing… turned out like it was supposed to. The whole reason I left was so they could live, you know? But at the time,” she corrected herself, trying to be supportive despite the heavy weight of her heart. “I knew it had to be done. If I’d stayed… we all would’ve died--a lot sooner, anyway.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I must sound so…” Sarah clicked the locket shut. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, it’s okay. You’re allowed to complain about all the responsibility you’ve got. And you’re allowed to have moments where you resent it, but don’t… Don’t doubt yourself. If anyone was gonna be leading research on this for my people, I’d be glad it was you.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sarah nodded, toying with the locket. “Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat in silence for a moment, looking out to the stars; or trying to, at least. Dureena’s eyes kept drifting back to Sarah’s reflection. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just as she was starting to think she’d overstayed her welcome, Sarah spoke up: “Hey, would you mind staying? Until you’re tired, I mean, since rest <em> is </em> important and all.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dureena smiled, glad to see some humor in her. That, and she was happy to have someone to sit with during her late-night wanderings, even under the circumstances. “I’d love to.”</p>
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